Blotter

A prominent scar in the lower right area of his face. A birth mark or must have been a scar left from burns. He must have been in his late 20s or early 30s, can't specifically tell. He looks older but I can tell he's not that old yet. Skin is dark from too much sun exposure. Hair is wavy, dry and dirty. He seems like drunk or high on drugs in at least those times that I get to ride in his trike. And he talks, always talks, rubbish, filthy, inappropriate things.

I tried to shrug off the fears thinking how can he do harm to me when there are so many eyes who can pinpoint him anytime.

Every time I get to be his passenger, he says to no one in particular, "Ako sa ni ihatud akong asawa ha" (I’ll just take my wife to home ha). It's giving me a very disgusting shiver! The nerves! But I say nothing as always. And just pretend that I didn't hear anything at all.

They are many actually. I guess they haven't seen a girl in their whole lives that whenever they see me, they're always catcalling and bluffing. And I just always make a poker face, not caring, not paying any attention at all.

Yesterday, I got to ride in his trike again. This time it's different. I then again tried to shrug off the fears thinking there would be witnesses. He couldn't be so dumb to do anything to me. But he's definitely drunk. He stinks of liquor and very bad odor. And he talked something malicious and off and dangerous.

He talked about a girl being raped. He went off mindlessly talking about how the rape was and how the girl did not file a criminal case afterward because the girl became to like it??? Whut?! What's this nutcase talking about! I was in that heart-beating-so-hard-I-could-die moment of my life. A rape? Why did he go on spewing things about rape, for crying out loud, to me!!

My mind raced and so did my adrenaline rush. I looked for whatever things I have in my bag for defense. I imagined if anything would go wrong, I would really kick all the sensitive parts of his body. I imagined running for my life. And how I prayed real hard at that time… 

With the grace from heavens, I was able to finally got home safe. It was such a relief.  But I was so shaken I couldn’t help myself from crying. I composed myself so that ma and pa would not see me like that.

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Then I remembered someone. I could have confided this to him. I could have felt some comfort right there and then. But I no longer have that special someone in my life.

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Oh God, you are all I have. I can only do so much. I can only protect myself enough. But I cannot do it alone. I need you to be with me always, keeping me safe day to day. Thank you. You’re all I have.